Article: Miscarriage: What Every Woman Needs to Hear

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May 18, 2026

Miscarriage: What Every Woman Needs to Hear

There are pains that have no name in the dictionary of others. Grieves we bear alone, often in silence, sometimes without even having been able to tell the world that we were expecting a baby. Miscarriage is one of those invisible trials that shake a woman to her core, without leaving any visible trace for the outside world.

If you’re reading this today, perhaps you’ve just gone through this ordeal. Perhaps someone you love is going through it right now. Perhaps you’re searching for the words to make sense of it all, to put a name to what you’re feeling, to know that you’re not alone.

At 23 Mai Paris, we support women through every stage of their journey into motherhood, including the most painful ones. In this article, we discuss miscarriage with the respect, compassion, and honesty that this topic deserves.

What you're feeling is real and valid

A woman going through a miscarriage with compassion

The grief that no one sees

A miscarriage isn’t “just” a medical loss. It’s the loss of a child you dreamed of, a future you imagined, and a love that was already immense for someone you haven’t even met yet. What you may have already begun to build was real: a secretly chosen name, an imagined nursery, a date (the due date, Christmas with a baby, summer), plans (the stroller, maternity leave), a mother’s identity, a bond that was already deep and powerful.

All of this is real. All of this is worth mourning.

The emotions you may experience

There is no “right” way to experience a miscarriage. All emotions are valid: deep sadness (a loss that deserves to be acknowledged), anger (“Why me?” is a legitimate question), guilt (“What did I do wrong?” — nothing, you are not to blame), emptiness (the void where there was once life), relief at times (a normal reaction, not something to be ashamed of), jealousy (seeing other people’s round bellies can be painful), denial, loneliness even when surrounded by others, shame (totally unjustified but often felt), and anxiety about future pregnancies.

The takeaway: There’s no “right” way to feel. All your emotions—even the most conflicting ones—are normal and valid.

The figures that would break the isolation if we knew them

You are not alone

Data	Number
Miscarriages in France	About 200,000 per year
Frequency	1 in 4 pregnancies ends in a miscarriage
Women affected	Millions of people around the world
Women who talk about it	A minority, due to shame and taboo
Women with multiple FCs	1 in 100 women has more than 3

These statistics aren't meant to downplay your pain. They're here to let you know that you're part of a silent community of women who have been through what you're going through.

Why don't we talk about it?

There are several reasons for this silence: “it was too early” (as if grief had a set number of weeks), an irrational sense of shame (as if it were your fault), the fear of being a burden (as if your grief were too much for others to bear), social minimization (“it happens to everyone” silences the conversation), invisibility (no leave, no official recognition), and fear of judgment (of having been “too” attached so soon).

What You'll Be Told (and Why It Hurts)

Words that hurt, even when said with good intentions

Interlocked hands symbolizing support after a loss

These words are spoken with love. But sometimes they do more harm than good.

What you're told	Why does it hurt?
"It wasn't sustainable"	That doesn't erase the love we had
"It happens all the time; it happens to everyone."	Relieves a single episode of pain
"You can have more"	It’s no consolation; another baby can’t replace this one
"Nature did a good job"	Your body didn't "do something wrong"; it suffered a loss
"We need to move on"	Grief doesn't follow a schedule
"At least you weren't too far along"	There is no "right" week to lose a baby
"Take a break and try again soon"	As if it were that simple
"You have to be strong"	No. You have the right not to be strong

What you really needed to hear

Condolences: "I'm so sorry for your loss."
Validation: "You have every right to feel devastated."
Presence: "I'm here, no pressure."
Compassionate silence: sometimes, no words are needed.
No advice: just be there.

The body after a miscarriage

What Your Body Is Going Through

A miscarriage is also a physical ordeal, one that is often underestimated: bleeding (which varies in intensity and duration), pain (sometimes comparable to contractions), a sudden hormonal drop (sudden crying, extreme fatigue), sometimes persistent nausea (the body “doesn’t know yet”), a healing process that takes time, and profound fatigue that is both physical and emotional.

Types of miscarriage

Natural elimination: the body expels waste naturally.
Incomplete miscarriage: requires medical follow-up.
Missed miscarriage: The embryo has stopped developing, but the body has not yet expelled it.
Ectopic pregnancy: a medical emergency accompanied by severe pain.
Late miscarriage: after 14 weeks, perinatal bereavement.

The care you deserve

Medical follow-up (to make sure everything is in order), rest (your body needs to recover), being kind to yourself (don’t rush back to your old routine), and emotional support (you deserve it, and it’s necessary).

The aftermath: the lingering questions

"Is it my fault?"

No.

That's the answer. Short, definitive, and unconditional.

The type of exercise you do, stress, what you ate, having sex, not finding out early enough, or waiting too long to stop drinking—none of these things cause a miscarriage. In most cases, early miscarriages are due to chromosomal abnormalities: something that was beyond your control.

"Why is this happening to me?"

There is often no answer. And that is one of the hardest things to accept. The lack of an explanation is a trial in itself. No one is to blame. Medicine cannot always make sense of what has no meaning.

"Will I be able to do it next time?"

After a miscarriage: 85% of subsequent pregnancies proceed normally.
After two miscarriages: a 75–80% chance of carrying the pregnancy to term.
After three miscarriages: 70% with specialized care.

These figures are not promises. But they do show that hope is statistically justified.

Grief: How to Get Through the Unbearable

A candle lit in memory of a baby lost in a miscarriage

The stages of grief (which are not linear)

Shock and denial (“this can’t be happening”), anger (at yourself, at life, at others), bargaining (“what if I’d done things differently?”), deep sadness (the depths of grief), and acceptance (not forgetting, but coming to terms with it)—these stages do not always occur in order. You can move from one to another, go back, or stay in one stage longer than another.

What can help you get through it

Name the loss: say "I lost my baby," not "I had a miscarriage."
Make it a ritual: plant a tree, light a candle, write a letter.
Talk about it: with a trusted friend, a therapist, or a support group.
Crying: no time limit.
Taking care of your body: gently, without pressure.
Allowing yourself to laugh: it doesn’t mean you’re not grieving.

What should not be expected of you

"Get better quickly," "be strong for others," "get back to work quickly," "don't talk about it," "put it into perspective" — you have the right to take as much time as you need, to break down if you need to, to ask for a sick leave, to talk about it as much as you need to, and to never downplay your own pain.

Your Relationship and Miscarriage

A couple supporting each other after a miscarriage

Two different bereavements

Miscarriage affects both parents, but not always in the same way or at the same pace. The woman experiences a grieving process that is both physical and emotional, with a bond that is already deeply established and a body that is going through the ordeal. The partner experiences emotional grief without the physical experience, sometimes feeling a need to act rather than talk, and a sense of helplessness that is difficult to put into words.

How to Keep Pain from Pushing You Away

Identify your different needs (you may communicate differently), remind each other that no one is to blame (to avoid implicit blame), respect each other’s pace (if the desire to try again isn’t mutual), and find a shared space to talk so you don’t have to face the pain alone

When and how to talk to others about it

Start with your doctor or midwife (for medical care and guidance), then a trusted friend when you’re ready, your family at your own pace, a therapist if the grief becomes overwhelming, a support group so you don’t feel alone, and social media, where many women share their stories and connect with others.

Explaining it to an older child: Before age 3, it’s not necessary. Ages 3 to 5: “The baby is gone; our bodies weren’t ready.” Ages 6 to 10: A simple and honest explanation, while acknowledging their sadness. During adolescence: An open conversation, since they may also be feeling the loss.

If you are supporting someone who is going through a miscarriage

What she needs to hear

✓ "I'm so sorry."
✓ "Your loss is real."
✓ "I'm here if you want to talk."
✓ "Take as much time as you need."
✓ "I'm thinking of you."

What you can do in practice

Bring her something to eat without her having to ask.
Offer to babysit the oldest child so he can have some time to himself.
Send him a message regularly, even if you don't expect a reply.
Don't forget about it after a few weeks—the pain persists.
Just be there, without trying to fix things.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it normal to feel depressed after a miscarriage?

Yes, it’s perfectly normal. A miscarriage causes a sudden drop in hormone levels, which can physically trigger depression, in addition to the emotional grief. If your depression lasts longer than a few weeks or gets worse, talk to a healthcare professional. You deserve support.

Do you have to report a miscarriage to the city hall?

In France, miscarriages occurring before 15 weeks of amenorrhea are not subject to mandatory reporting. Since 2020, however, it has been possible to register the unborn child in a special registry. Between 15 and 22 weeks, a stillbirth certificate may be issued. After 22 weeks, standard civil registry procedures apply. Check with your maternity ward or your doctor.

My partner doesn't seem as upset as I am. Is that normal?

Yes. Partners often experience a miscarriage differently. Some don’t express their emotions much, while others try to “fix” things rather than process their feelings. That doesn’t mean they’re suffering any less. Open and compassionate communication about your respective needs is essential during this time.

When can I go back to work?

There is no one-size-fits-all rule. Some women need to get back to work quickly because they crave a sense of normalcy. Others need more time. In France, your doctor can prescribe sick leave. Don’t hesitate to ask for it if you need it. Your grief is legitimate.

How can I tell if my grief is "normal" or if I need help?

If your sadness is preventing you from going about your daily life, if you’re having dark thoughts, if you’re completely isolating yourself, or if the pain doesn’t subside after several weeks: seek professional help. Not because there’s something wrong with you, but because you deserve support during this difficult time.

A letter for you

To those of you who have lost a baby,

Your pain is real. Your love was real. Your baby existed—in your heart, in your dreams, in the plans you had already begun to make.

You didn't do anything wrong. There was nothing you could have done differently. It wasn't a punishment. It wasn't a sign. It was an unfair pain, and you have every right to feel devastated.

Take as much time as you need. Cry as much as you need to. And when you’re ready—not before—allow yourself to hope again.

You are not alone

A woman looking toward the horizon with hope after a miscarriage

Conclusion

Miscarriage is one of the most silent and unfair trials a woman can go through. It deserves to be named, acknowledged, and mourned. Women who experience it deserve to be surrounded by care, supported, and freed from any sense of guilt.

At 23 Mai Paris, we believe that every stage of motherhood—even the most painful ones—deserves to be supported with kindness and respect. We think of all the women who carry this invisible grief, and we are by your side through every chapter of your journey as a mother.

If you are going through this right now, know that you deserve all the support you can get. Don’t hesitate to see a healthcare professional, reach out to a support group, or simply talk to someone you trust.

Because going through a miscarriage should never be something you have to face alone, here are some resources to help you find the support you deserve.